The weblog of Joshua Drescher

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SotU 2008

January 28th, 2008 · No Comments · Politics, Rants

Things just finished. It was really “meh” overall. After the jump are the raw notes I took during the speech. I’ll proofread an edit them later. Maybe.

Alright. Got my whisky and cottage pie. IT’S GO TIME!

I’m watching MSNBC, for what it’s worth. Matthews and Olberman think Condi Rice would be a good VP choice - but only if Obama doesn’t pick up the Democratic nomination.

In comes the cabinet.

Holy hell, Michael Chertoff is creepy. He’s like a way-too-thin version of Skeletor.

Matthews chatters away about the war.

And now he’s giving us one of his old “I worked for Tip O’Neill” stories.

Aaaand THE CALL.

In comes Dubya. Pale blue tie.

Shot of Laura in the gallery, the Bush Girls on either side and what looked like some military types behind her.

Bush rubs a bald man’s head. For good luck?

Ooh. Obama and Ted Kennedy side by side. The campaign never ends, it seems.

Bush hits the dais and turns in copies of his homework to Professor Pelosi and Darth Cheney.

Another shot of Laura. I spied an oddly dressed woman nearby this time. Perhaps an Oppressed Woman From a Foreign Country?!

And the speech begins.

General Overview of Challenges.

I have to say, the man is on his game tonight. That was a really strong opening, delivered tightly and with purpose. No stumbles, mumbles or mispronunciations, despite some flowery turns of phrase. Has he been fucking with us for the past seven years?

We move into the economy.

A mention of the bi-partisan tax relief plan segues immediately into a jab at earmarks.

Back to taxes.

Delivers a legitimately funny IRS joke, triggering laughter and raucous (GOP) applause.

Bush makes a call for keeping his tax cuts permanently.

Standing “O” from the right.

He’ll veto any tax increases. More applause.

Next week, he’ll submit a budget cutting wasteful and bloated programs. It only took him seven years it seems.

Another, more direct attack on earmarks.

He’ll veto earmarks from now on.

Aaand he’s handing down an executive order demanding that government agencies ignore the legal will of Congress? Crazy town!

Fanny Mae and Freddie Mac. Bail out mortgage nonsense.

Health care. Wants to make it affordable and accessible by “expanding consumer choice.” Wants to expand health savings plans. Oh, and make it harder to sue for malpractice.

The GOP healthcare plan pretty much sucks.

On to No Child Left Behind. “Today no one can deny its results.” No shit, Sherlock, though probably not in the way you mean.

Kudos for faith based “or other non-public schools.” He’ll be expanding funding for Jesus-based… er… FAITH based… er… NON-PUBLIC schools.

Global capitalism, free trade, international investment. Calls for expanded trade agreements. Calls for tarriff parity with trade partners. Quick shout out to MADE IN THE USA. Good stuff all around here.

Not passing a trade agreement with Columbia will “embolden the purveyers of false populism.” Whatever happened to “commies?”

Has your job been outsourced to a commie-free Columbia? Big Brother will train you to do… um… something.

On to oil dependency. He loves Big Coal. Slightly less love for NU-KYU-LAR energy.

On to vague environmentalism, which gets bi-partisan applause. Hillary gives us THREE WHOLE CLAPS. No smile, though.

Pelosi is reading a book of some kind and keeps smirking. I’m guessing it’s a copy of his speech, but it COULD be a book of dirty State of the Union jokes.

Stem cell nonsense. “Ethical medical research.”

Wants to ban the buying, selling, patenting or cloning of human life. Fuck that, man. I’ve ALWAYS wanted to patent, clone and sell myself.

Wants “prompt up or down votes” for his strict constructionist judicial nominees.

More faith-based charity special treatment nonsense.

On to New Orleans. We’re having some sort of NAMBLA meeting there. No… wait. I think he meant NAFTA.

Social Security and such. He’s “challenging” Congress to fix it. ‘Cuz… ya know. It’s HARD.

Immigration. Quick overview of his useless border security efforts followed by a much stronger (and better) call for a lawful way for immigrants to work in the US. Bush has always been strong and correct on this part of the issue, so… good for him yet again.

Aaaand on to foreign policy. War on Terror in 3… 2… 1…

Another well-presented, though generally vaccuous “yay freedom” speech punctuated by “bringing justice to the enemy” and some typical “terrorists hate freedom” whatnot. Meh.

General overview of troops shifting to the Afghan front.

A look back at The Surge. Bush (rightly) lingers here for a while. Somewhere in the room, John McCain smiles. Awkwardly, I’m sure. But smiles nonetheless.

30 second standing “O” for The Troops. Even From CheneyPelosi.

More self-congratulatory Surge-bragging. Crazy hooting and cheers from the GOP (and a lone “HOO-RAH!” at the end of one bout of applause). He’s literally spent ten times as long on this as he has on any other major issue so far.

He addresses the troops. Pledges that “in the fight ahead” they’ll have “all they need to protect our nation.” Just… ya know… don’t plan on ever coming HOME to it.

Brief shot of a female Marine with a man yawning like CRAZY next to her.

We’re transitioning to an “overwatch protection” role. And some of the Surge troops are not being replaced when tours end. Which is sort of like progress.

More “Iraq is improving” stuff. Like… five or ten minutes of it. Time for another drink!

Back now. STILL talking about Iraq. “We will not rest until this enemy has been defeated!” What, no reference to the Gates of Hell?

And we’re on to Israel/Palestine. “Hey guys, I just saw that place last week! Sure is holy and stuff!”

And in under two minutes, we’re done with that. With no actual proposals or commentary outside of “we need ‘em to be nice or something.”

On to Iran. Ooh. I just noticed that Hillary’s sitting next to Biden. I smell a VP nominee!

I missed something about Iran. He probably said something about democracy and how mean their leaders are.

Man, I’m REALLY starting to wonder who’s sitting with Laura. TELL ME WHO THE WEIRDLY-DRESSED LADY IS, MR. PRESIDENT!

Demands more warrantless wiretrapping power by friday. OR ELSE WE’LL ALL DIE IN A FIRE. GOP hooting. Democratic silence. I have a feeling that legislation ain’t forthcoming, Dubya.

“America opposes genocide in Sudan.” Well, that’s good to hear. Do we plan to do anything? Guess not, since we’re on to “supporting freedom in Cuba and Belarus.” Screw you, Sudan!

Famine. We’re going to stop hunger by… um… buying crops from poor farmers? I guess there’s NOTHING a Republican thinks farm subsidies CAN’T do.

Veterans funding. We’ve increased in 95% in recent years. Probably due to the 95% increase in veterans we’ve got flowing in these days. Holy shit! BOB DOLE!!! AND THE PEN!!! Ew… he clapped on the pen-hand. That was creepy.

More veterans benefits. This is all fine.

Oh God. He’s giving us a history lesson. “The… um… Articles of… um… Confederation.” Apparently, it had some words in it.

And we’re done.

And Cheney LEAPS up and hikes up his drawers in the process. Creepier than a clapping Dole-hand.


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