Animadversions.

The weblog of Joshua Drescher

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An open letter to the Creator.

May 6th, 2005 · No Comments · Misc., Movies

Dear Lord,

Ridley Scott’s Kingdom of Heaven comes out today and, as You know, I have a soft spot for historical epic cinema. As a result, I have a few requests:

1) Please have it be better than Alexander. Barring that, at least have it be better than Troy.
2) Please don’t let Scott fuck up the portrayal of Saladin. I know Hollywood hates it when the brown people beat the white people, but it’s a great story and I’ll be most disappointed if Scott “tweaks it” the way he “tweaked” Marcus Aurelius in Gladiator.
3) Finally, and most importantly, please let the response to Saladin from American audiences be filled with rage and confusion and hilarity. Might I suggest the following:

“What the hell? Why’s that fairy pirate kid lettin’ them Ay-rabs whoop up him like that? Jumpin’ fuckin’ Jesus… that Ay-rab is an EYE-racki? What sorta liberal commie bullshit is this?”

If you do this for me, I promise not to kick any puppies this weekend.

Thanks in advance,

- Josh

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